Questions you’ve always wanted to ask a flight attendant

Have you ever wondered what really goes on up in the air, once those plastic encased dehydrated meals have been dished out and the coffees poured? We definitely have, and so we contacted a flight attendant and probed him on everything from the Mile High Club to the art of copping a free upgrade. Below, our unnamed eye in the sky (identity must be protected when secrets are spilled, of course) reveals all the ins and outs of life in-flight. The biggest thing we learnt? It’s not as glamorous as you might think.

What’s the easiest way to get a free upgrade?
Bring treats for the crew and be polite at the door when boarding. We love treats and we like nice people. But don’t put on an act, we can see right through it.

Is it possible to join the ‘mile high club’?
Sure, knock yourself out. But would you have sex in a public toilet or in a cinema with the lights on? Think about it.

Have you ever caught anyone trying to do the deed during a flight?
Of course, you see it all. People who don’t even know each other. A few drinks mixed in with a lack of oxygen and everyone has unwarranted self-confidence in the air.

What’s the most common and annoying thing passengers do?
When one half of a couple asks for a drink after I’ve already walked through the cabin and back to deliver one to their partner. Ask me at the same time, or I won’t come back.

Do you seek revenge on annoying passengers?
I run a ‘two strikes and you’re out’ policy, after that I won’t return to you. Patience is thin, just like the air up there.

Do you get stuck into those mini bottles of spirits in flight?
Mini? We have the full sized ones. However, I am a safety professional, so of course not.

What’s the best part of the job?
The travel perks are amazing.

What’s the worst part of the job?
The passengers… I mean the sleep deprivation.

What’s been your worst ever flight experience?
Where to start? I’ll need a double page spread for that.

How often do you get hit on by passengers?
Me? A lot. We also get hit by passengers, please mind those elbows in my aisle.

Have you ever hooked up with a passenger?
Did I mention I don’t like the passengers?

Are there any obscure games you play to pass the time?
We often play ‘Would You Rather’. Most of the time we would rather the plane flew faster.

Are there any stupid rules in place that we don’t really have to do?
Even I don’t understand some of the rules. Flight mode, for example. I haven’t heard of a plane falling out of the sky because someone didn’t use flight mode, but I am no aircraft manufacturer. Be safe kids.

What would be your ideal seat on the plane, and why?
On short flights you want to be somewhere near the front, to get off quicker. Whereas long flights you want to be in front of an exit or a door, that extra legroom is a winner.

Can we swipe somebody else’s seats? What’s the real deal with getting a seat switch…
You can change seats after take-off, but ask. Be polite and we might even be polite back.

What’s a common myth that most people believe about flying?
That it’s glamorous.

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