Wildly misunderstood and extremely luxurious, caviar has had a reputational overhaul in recent years. Caviar bumps became the snack du jour in 2022, quickly popping on bar and restaurant menus across London and New York. But chefs in the know have been utilising caviar’s buttery, briny notes for years to add an elegant lift to everything from silky chawanmushi to opaque slices of sashimi.
The ingredient’s rise has come alongside a renewed love for martinis and a doubling down on our collective penchant for champagne. And as we settle into the roaring twenties, ready to spend our house deposits on life’s little luxuries, restaurants across Auckland are showcasing black gold in all its glory. Whether it’s bumps of oscietra or vibrant pearls of salmon roe, grab a glass of bubbles and ready your pearl spoon — go on, you deserve it.
If you want to do caviar properly — we’re talking crème fraîche, brioche, gaufrettes, chives, the full monty — then head to Jervois Steak House. As if this bastion of exceptional grilled meats wasn’t already wonderful enough, earlier this year they added a caviar service featuring the option of Siberian Ossetra Superior or Imperial Osceitra. Pair it with a glass of Mumm Cordon Rouge, and follow it up with a charred steak with all the necessary accoutrement for one of those meals that will go down in history.
If you’re looking for an education in the versatility of ikura caviar sourced from some of New Zealand’s finest salmon, head to Kingi where the vibrant roe is served in a multitude of ways. It might be found perched atop a Mount Cook salmon rillette, on a confit salmon fillet, or even as a garnish on your pre-dinner cocktail.
For a masterclass in high/low pairing, set your coordinates for Onslow where Josh Emett and his team are using caviar in a downright gluttonous fashion; scooping a pile of ossetra caviar on top of a cripsy golden piece of friend chicken paired with the acidic hit of tendrils of verdant courgette pickle. Find yourself to be more of a purist? Add Onslow’s caviar service onto your booking, with everything from single bumps to tins of ossetra accompanied by chopped egg, chives, crème fraîche and brioche.
Unsurprisingly, given its delicate flavour and hallmarks of quality, caviar has become a common ingredient in high end Japanese cooking. Take Kureta as a key example of that. The restaurant made quite a splash when it opened in November for its elevated take on teppanyaki. Caviar features throughout the menu, arriving atop a tangle of wagyu yakishabu topped with kina sauce, as delicate orange pearls sitting dantily on pearlescent scallops, or to decorate impressive piles of sashimi.
While the menu at Lillius is fluid and ever-changing, the Newton fine dining restaurant has a penchant for caviar which may see ossetra spooned atop a snack at the start of your meal, or salmon roe bringing a visual vibrance and briny dash to a dish. Keep an eye on their one-off collaborative dinners, too — a recent event saw chef Fraser McCarthy designing a menu that centred around Sturgeon Valley caviar.
Knowledge of precious stones and the pursuit of excellence have been at the heart of Van Cleef & Arpels’ history and identity since its founding in 1906. Over more than a century, the Maison has demonstrated an unrivalled affinity for diamonds, combining technical precision with poetic imagination. Each creation begins with the careful selection of gemstones for their purity and brilliance, before being transformed by master craftspeople into works that embody harmony, light, and movement.
The Maison’s Classic High Jewellery reflects this legacy through six enduring collections: Flowerlace, Snowflake, Folie des Prés, Palmyre, À Cheval and Olympia, each a testament to its expert savoir-faire and pursuit of beauty. Together, they express inspirations that have long guided Van Cleef & Arpels: the delicacy of nature, the elegance of couture, and the refinement of the decorative arts. Every jewel, from the airy filigree of Flowerlace to the fluid brilliance of Palmyre, reveals the balance of structure and softness that defines the Maison’s style.
Among these, the À Cheval Classic High Jewellery collection is a particularly striking example of the Art Deco period’s influence. This era continues to inspire the Maison’s sense of geometry and proportion. Launched in 1981, the À Cheval collection captures the purity of diamond brilliance through an intricate setting technique in which gemstones are hand-linked into a flexible, seamless mesh. Its overlapping design recalls the sculptural symmetry of 1930s jewellery while remaining thoroughly contemporary.
The À Cheval necklace and earrings extend this heritage. The necklace, ingeniously designed to transform into two bracelets, reflects Van Cleef & Arpels’ fascination with metamorphosis, while the earrings’ detachable pendants lend modern versatility to their radiant form. Together, these creations reaffirm the Maison’s dedication to timeless artistry, technical mastery and light captured in motion.
In its Classic High Jewellery, Van Cleef & Arpels continues to honour its rich lineage while evolving with grace. Inspired by history yet illuminated by innovation, each piece stands as an enduring expression of brilliance.
Dress codes can be hard to read. Is a floor-length dress formal enough for black tie? What shoes constitute smart casual? And perhaps most terrifying of all, what exactly is cocktail-appropriate attire? If you find yourself with that divisive dress code this festive season, we have you covered. The perfect looks strike a considered balance between formality and ease. Think sculptural dresses, silk slips, or tailored separates for the ladies, and blazers over tees, loose trousers, and loafers for the lads.
From the effortless glamour of Alaïa, to the playful silhouettes from Staud and P. Johnson’s classic tailoring, here’s our ultimate guide to nailing a cocktail dress code this Christmas.
There are deceptively simple decor decisions that can take any space to the next level, from unique lighting in a living room to high octane headboards in the bedroom. Still, nothing quite brings a kitchen together like a statement benchtop.
Marazzi’s ‘The Top’, from design showroom Obery, brings a sense of effortless elegance to any home, whethere that’s as a top, backsplash, table, door or in tailor-made furnishings. A feat of technological innovation, these porcelain slabs can emulate a range of natural materials, and have the added benefit of being durable, ultra-resistant to stains, and easy to clean.
Given the material’s innate versatility, it lends itself to endless uses and visions, from striking benchtops to furnishing elements and surfaces, both within and outside of the home. The marble-look variation is particularly alluring, boasting the appearance and tactility of marble, without the distinct cut lines and parameters of natural stone.
Wander through London or Sydney when the clock strikes five on any given day, and you’ll be swept along with crowds of revellers spilling out onto pavements clutching frothy pints. Glasses clink, laughter floats along the breeze, and new friendships are forged as elbows bump against brick walls. A well-crafted gastro pub becomes the heart of how we gather and celebrate.
Auckland’s dining scene isn’t short on innovation, but the soul of true pub culture has long been absent from our city’s culinary tale. We’ve missed out on the post-work bonding and Sunday pints that shape the spirit of the aforementioned cities. Now, with Grey Lynn Firehouse poised to ignite the corner of Williamson and Pollen, that story is about to change.
Occupying — you guessed it — the former Grey Lynn fire station, this heritage building is the perfect space to open a top-quality pub, full of history and the kind of antique touches that echo the UK’s dark wood drinking dens that hold as much intrigue as they do pints of beer.
Hospitality duo Luke Jones and Dave Lincoln, the pair behind City Works’ Norma Taps, Honest, and Roundhouse Drinks Dept. bring not only their rich experience operating hospitality ventures in Auckland, but also lives steeped in classic pub culture. “Dave’s first job was pulling pints at The Horse & Trap, which his dad owned, and I spent 17 years living in the UK, where proper pub culture is woven into everyday life,” Jones tells The Denizen. “Grey Lynn Firehouse feels like the natural evolution of everything we’ve learned and loved along the way.”
The building has been painstakingly restored in collaboration with New Zealand and Japan-based Studio Tatami to produce a space that speaks to the firehouse’s past, the enticing warmth of British pubs, and a modern day Auckland watering hole. Warm minimalism helps to elevate the building’s architectural character, while two glowing fireplaces, twin bars, and a lively rooftop deck beckon guests to stick around long after sunset.
Ten rotating taps will pour everything from local lagers, craft brews and, of course, creamy pints of Guinness — it is a pub after all. Cocktails from the duo’s venture Roundhouse will be poured on tap, and a number of wines will be available to order by the glass and bottle. Meanwhile, the kitchen sees chef Kererū Wilson, formerly of Depot and Cazador, bringing his pedigree on the pans to a menu that reimagines classic pub fare. Think crispy chicken parm and perfect fish and chips, alongside steak au poivre, mussel escabeche and heirloom tomato salads.
What sets it apart, though, is its unique amount of outdoor space. In addition to the suntrap roof terrace, the entire ‘island’ that the firehouse inhabits is licensed, which means drinkers can spill out onto the pavement like they do across London. The verdict is in — this is set to be Auckland’s coolest new post-work hot spot. And, if this and Water Boy are anything to go by, we might finally be in the midst of our long-awaited pub renaissance.
With December upon us, the city bursts with cultural delights, from electrifying concerts and dazzling light shows to must-see theatre, ballet, art exhibitions, and local designer salons. There are plenty of family-friendly happenings to keep everyone satisfied. Whether you’re craving full festive cheer or one last cultural calendar date before the year ends, our definitive guide spotlights the very best events to book this December.
Simon Kaan Single Fin Surfboard II, 2025 oil on fiberglass 2020 x 510 mm
Ray Haydon Twist VIIII, 2025 carbon fibre, marine grade pleather 800 x 360 x 170 mm
When & Where: December 10th – 1st Feburary, Sanderson Gallery, Newmarket, Auckland
Sanderson is delighted to unveil their Summer Exhibition for 2025-2026, a vibrant group show that brings together an exciting array of works by the gallery’s talented artists. Guests of the gallery can expect standout pieces from Josephine Cachemaille, Kate van der Drift, Zara Dolan, Stephen Ellis, Liam Gerrard, Loren Marks, Ray Haydon, Julia Holderness, Simon Kaan, Damien Kurth, Paul Martinson, Yoshiko and Shintaro Nakahara, Llenyd Price, Mickey Smith, Kāryn Taylor, Katherine Throne, Molly Timmins, Jon Tootill, Freeman White, and Natasha Wright. This exhibition is a joyful celebration to mark the year’s end, honouring the creativity and achievements showcased by the gallery’s artists throughout the season.
When & Where: Now till the 24th December Commercial Bay
Struggling to find the festive spirit? Head on down to Commerical Bay where there’s enough yuletide action to get even the grinchiest of us into the swing of things. From portraits in Santa’s Studio, to an evening Christmas tree light show, mailboxes to send wishlists direct to Santa’s workshop, after-dark DJ sessions to keep you going on those late night shopping trips, free 4pm scoops of Ben & Jerrys to keep you fuelled, and more, there’s enough going on for both adults and little ones to make Christmas shopping seem even enjoyable.
When & Where: 4 pm – 6pm December 11th, Pt Erin Pools, Herne Bay, Auckland
Fruzio and local favourite Sonnie are making a splash this December with the School’s Out Pool Party at Pt Erin Pools, Herne Bay. Celebrate the end of the school year and the debut of Fruzio’s Smoothie Pops at this vibrant, family-friendly event. While pool entry applies, everything else is on Fruzio: free Smoothie Pops, a sizzling sausage barbecue thanks to Bostock Brothers Organic Free Range Chicken and Daily Bread, a live DJ spinning summer tunes, plus competitions and exclusive Sonnie spot prizes. Little ones can dive into pool toys and giant bubbles, while the older kids can take on the diving boards, slides, aqua run, and more. There’s something for everyone, making this the perfect way to launch into what we hope is set to be a long, hot summer.
When & Where: Throughout December, various Westfield shopping malls, Auckland
Animates is delighted to bring the magic of Westfield Santa Pet Photography to life, a cherished holiday tradition for animal lovers. Pet owners everywhere can now invite their furry friends to join in the beloved Santa photo festivities. Whether you’ve got a playful pup, a relaxed feline, or a curious rabbit, dress-ups are encouraged, so deck your pet out in their most adorable Christmas outfit and snap a keepsake photo to cherish. Whether you’re in matching sweaters or pint-sized elf hats, go big or go home. Bookings are essential for this in demand seasonal offering, be sure to secure your spot today.
When & Where: December 3rd, Auckland Town Hall, Auckland
Alt-rock icons Garbage will perform one show in New Zealand this December, ahead of their Australian tour dates. Reigning as one of the most influential alternative rock bands of modern times, the band – Shirley Manson, Duke Erikson, Steve Market, and Butch Vig — are considered true pioneers, selling over 20 million albums and responsible for a catalogue of era-defining hits. The upcoming December tour date will mark the band’s first appearance in Auckland since 2013.
When & Where: Throughout December, The Auckland War Memorial Museum, Auckland
Experience the magic of The Auckland War Memorial Museum after hours, where you can wander through every exhibit until 8:30 pm on Tuesday nights. Immerse yourself in the powerful spirit of 1970s activism with a new exhibition celebrating the newspaper that amplified Māori and Pacific voices. Embrace the festivities by crafting your own wooden bauble or sending wishes directly to Santa’s mailbox. Let the sounds of Auckland choirs in the Grand Foyer wrap you in the warmth of the season.
When & Where: December 2nd to 7th, Civic Theatre, Auckland
From December 2nd to 7th, Charles Dickens’ timeless holiday tale lights up Auckland’s Civic Theatre. Overflowing with music, laughter, and festive spirit, A Christmas Carol promises a magical experience for all ages. Follow Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Eve as four mysterious ghosts guide him through the wonders and lessons of Christmases past, present, and future.
When & Where: December 5th – 8th, 12th – 15th, 19th – 22nd, MOTAT, Auckland
Back by popular demand, MOTAT’s sellout seasonal extravaganza returns, promising more lights and more wonder than ever. Prepare to be transported as the museum grounds, heritage buildings, and trams come alive with Christmas lights, music, and festive cheer, designed in collaboration with La Lumiere. Running for 12 select dates from December 5th through December 22nd, enjoy tram rides and carol singers, outdoor games, and a visit with the big man himself, alongside delicious food offerings, while taking in the festive lights.
Q Theatre rolls out the red carpet for a hilarious Christmas comedy from the dynamic duo Tom Sainsbury and Lara Fischel-Chisholm. Step into the holiday spirit with Auckland’s beloved dance troupe and get ready for a night of laughter that will echo well beyond the final bow.
When & Where: December 5th – 13th, Aotea Centre, Auckland
Officially opening on December 4th, The Nutcracker has woven itself into Christmas memories for generations. Presented with a distinctly Kiwi flair, Act I whisks audiences to the sunlit nostalgia of childhood beach holidays, then sweeps them into the snowy Southern Alps in Act II. This fresh vision comes to life under RNZB Artistic Director Ty King-Wall, with Tracy Grant Lord behind the production’s enchanting sets and costumes, Jon Buswell lighting the stage, and POW Studios adding visual marvels; the show is set to the unforgettable music of Tchaikovsky.
Franklin Road Lights
When & Where: Throughout December, Franklin Road, Freemans Bay, Auckland
Every December, Auckland’s iconic Franklin Road bursts into a breathtaking community display of lights and festive joy. As night falls, this Freeman’s Bay location transforms into a magical wonderland, offering a free and unforgettable holiday experience for families and friends alike.
When & Where: On now until December 3rd, Föenander Galleries, Parnell, Auckland
From now until December 3rd, seize your last chance to immerse yourself in an extraordinary creative showcase at the renowned Parnell space. Fresh from the gallery’s appearance at Melbourne’s Spring 1883 Art Fair, Föenander Galleries presents a handpicked collection from some of the nation’s most original artists. With standout works by Israel Tangaroa Birch, Andrea Bolima, Lottie Consalvo, Nick Herd, Monique Lacey, Roger Mortimer, Monica Rani Rudhar, and Jess Swney, this exhibition celebrates a noteworthy collaboration between Jess Swney and Roger Mortimer.
When & Where: The Auckland Art Gallery Toi o Tāmaki, Auckland
A must-see for art historians, Pop to Present features a staggering back catalogue of American pop art, on loan from the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts. Opening with an iconic 1948 drip painting by Jackson Pollock, this unparalleled collaboration will feature 52 compelling works that have shaped American art and culture, dating back to 1945. Guests can expect an up-close and personal view of works by Andy Warhol, Benny Andrews, Rosalyn Drexler, Elaine de Kooning, Willem de Kooning, Helen Frankenthaler, Roy Lichtenstein, Mark Rothko, Kiki Smith, Clyfford Still, and Cy Twombly, among others. Open now, Pop to Present will be exhibiting at the Auckland Art Gallery until March 2026.
When & Where: December 21st, The Civic Theatre, Auckland
With four screenings scheduled in Auckland, Christchurch, and Wellington, Love Actually in Concert returns to New Zealand audiences this festive season — and it’s promising to be just as magical as ever. From December 21st, this heartwarming festive favourite comes to life with the Auckland Festival Orchestra performing the unforgettable soundtrack live as the film plays out on the big screen. Celebrate over 20 years of love, laughter, and those memorable moments that have made Love Actually a timeless Christmas classic.
The arrival of our summer issue coincides with the part of the year when we all begin to wind down. Whether you have one week or one month off over the festive period, it’s inevitably a time to reset, recharge, and rethink. Ready for a change in the New Year? Head to page 72 for our advice on the career pivots that will be more refreshing than a week-long trip to Mayrlife.
Speaking of health retreats, if this year has taught us anything, it’s that we’re all in the market for a big exhale. Nothing inspires renewal more than the promise of a new year, and if you need to take your January reset more than skin deep, this issue, we’ve rounded up the most effective methods in New Zealand’s world of wellness. From 360-degree health analysis from trained practitioners, to Auckland’s hottest new holistic wellness studio, you’ll be feeling better than ever.
Too focused on the pre-Christmas gluttony to think about the virtuousness of January? Head to page 78 where we’ve tapped some of the country’s best chefs to share their favourite places to eat, drink and be merry across the country — because no one knows the hospitality industry better than those who are on its front lines.
Santa has been busy in his workshop on page 52, where we’ve done the hard work for you, picking the best gifts for your loved ones, from the bon vivant, to the adventure-seeking pathfinder and everyone in between.
Should the prospect of endless sunny days fill you with a sense of terror, find your entertainment on our culture pages, where we’ve drawn up the definitive holiday reading list. And if all that time outdoors inspires a decor reset, we’ve got this year’s finest al fresco furniture on our design pages – plus the prettiest parasols to keep you cool.
In keeping with the spirit of the season, our Summer Issue is imbued with a palpable sense of renewal and restoration. We hope its pages encourage you to pause, reflect on the year that was, and celebrate the season, however that looks for you. Live long and prosper, we say.
Denizen’s Summer Issue is available now at all good newsagents and supermarkets, or subscribe below to have it delivered directly to your door.
Few collections in the world of fine jewellery carry the same authority as Van Cleef & Arpels’ Alhambra. Since 1968, its four-leaf clover motif has become shorthand for elegance; a talisman of luck, refinement, and optimism. But the Maison’s latest evolution of this icon proves that even the most timeless designs are always ripe for reinvention.
This season, the Alhambra collection embraces the art of transformation. Through subtle engineering and extraordinary craftsmanship, pieces that once held a singular form now move, shift, and adapt with the wearer. The new Magic Alhambra long necklaces are a masterclass in versatility, capable of transitioning from a statement-length strand to a bracelet or shorter necklace in a single gesture. These pieces have been crafted as a nod to modern life’s multiplicity, to shift with the wearer’s ever-changing needs.
Magic Alhambra transformable long necklace, 15 motifs 18K rose gold, Mother-of-pearl from Van Cleef & Arpels
Vintage Alhambra pendant18K white gold with Diamond from Van Cleef & Arpels
The effect is one of poetic precision. Two elegant colour and material combinations define the collection. On one, rose gold meets the iridescence of white and grey mother-of-pearl; on another, the bluish nuances of chalcedony converse with white gold and the luster of white mother-of-pearl. The asymmetry of the motifs — a defining feature since the collection’s inception — gives each piece rhythm and energy.
Magic Alhambra Between the Finger ring 18K yellow gold, Malachite from Van Cleef & Arpels
Vintage Alhambra reversible ring 18K rose gold, Diamond, Mother-of-pearl from Van Cleef & Arpels
Similarly, the reversible Vintage Alhambra rings carry an understated brilliance: turned one way, each reveals a luminous mother-of-pearl or captivating chalcedony, turned another, a diamond set within sculpted guilloché gold takes centre stage.
This latest chapter speaks to Van Cleef & Arpels’ enduring fascination with transformation, a philosophy rooted as much in emotion as in technique. The result is jewellery that transcends adornment, becoming a living expression of movement, fortune, and grace. Half a century on, the Alhambra remains not just a symbol of luck, but of evolution itself — proof that true icons seldom fade; they simply find new ways to shine.
In the evolving world of longevity medicine, few treatments have captured as much attention as GLP-1 receptor agonists. Initially developed for diabetes, they are now the gold standard for safe, effective weight management. But what is becoming increasingly clear, explains Dr Ellen Selkon of Clinic 42, is that these medications can do far more than change a dress size.
“GLP-1 therapy isn’t just about weight loss,” she says. “It’s about metabolic health, inflammation control, and cellular protection, all of which play significant roles in how we age.”
As a medical doctor with a focus on integrative wellbeing Dr Selkon’s focus is a personalised approach to treatment. For those seeking sustainable weight loss, she carefully monitors dosage, metabolism, and nutrient absorption to maintain balance. Recent studies have also shown GLP-1 therapy when micro-dosed can help optimise energy, stabilise blood sugar and reduce inflammation. These smaller doses have also shown promising results for cardiovascular function, cognitive clarity, and metabolic flexibility.
“The research is moving quickly,” she explains. “We are seeing evidence that micro-dosing GLP-1s can help reduce visceral fat around key organs and may influence markers linked to Alzheimer’s and heart disease. It is not just about looking better; it is about ageing better.”
The results are most effective when combined with lifestyle medicine, including nutrition, exercise and restorative sleep, all of which the Clinic 42 team integrates into their patient plans. “The aim isn’t to be thinner,” Dr Selkon adds. “It’s to be stronger, clearer and biologically younger.”
But while GLP-1 therapy can reshape the body, it can also have unintended effects on the face. The now infamous term “Ozempic Face” refers to the hollow, prematurely aged appearance that can result from rapid fat loss.
“Facial fat is one of the most important structural elements for a youthful appearance,” says Dr Selkon. “When it is lost too quickly, it can create depletion in the cheeks, temples and under-eye area, which often ages the face faster than the body.”
To prevent this, Clinic 42 takes a proactive approach, addressing facial balance in conjunction with body transformation. “We always encourage patients to support facial volume early in their weight-loss journey,” she notes. “It is much easier to maintain natural structure than to rebuild it later.”
Her team combines medical-grade skincare with non-invasive rejuvenation and precise injectable treatments to maintain the skin’s health and architecture. Depending on individual needs, these may include Dermapen, IPL, Nano-fractionated laser and Tribella to stimulate collagen and elastin, paired with dermal fillers, Profhilo, Profhilo Structura or Sculptra to restore lift and hydration.
“These treatments are not about changing your features,” Dr Selkon explains. “They are about supporting your natural structure as your body changes. We want patients to look refreshed, not altered.”
She also notes that GLP-1 therapy can affect collagen production, making it even more essential to maintain skin quality. “We see some skin laxity as part of the process, which can be managed effectively with the right combination of treatments,” she says. “Our goal is to make sure patients feel as confident in their reflection as they do in their health.”
The result is what Dr Selkon calls “intelligent transformation”: a dual focus on metabolic and aesthetic longevity. By treating the body as a system rather than a collection of isolated parts, Clinic 42 helps clients achieve balance both inside and out.
“True longevity is not just what you see in the mirror,” she concludes. “It is how your body functions beneath the surface, how efficiently it regenerates, and how resilient it remains over time. GLP-1 therapy gives us a remarkable tool for this, but its real power lies in how we combine it with the art and science of aesthetic medicine.”
Office Christmas parties inhabit a realm where the liquid soundtrack of alcohol is a bittersweet symphony of memories made and reputations ruined. A cacophony formed of the sounds of someone falling ass-first off a table, someone being promised an empty promotion, someone being promised an empty sofa, someone sloppily slapping Ross from IT in the mouth (with their mouth) and Susan from HR applying a projectile application of ‘yuletide glee’ to a completely defenceless sidewalk.
This corporate Christmas season, consider these simple etiquette tweaks and conquer the annual office experiment unscathed.
Marketing
Whether you work in the marketing department or not, you should know the basic warning signs of a public relations disaster, not just for your company, but for yourself. It is recommended you go through at least two (sober) friends before making any decisions prior to and during the event. Always side with conservatism (not the deplorable kind) in consumption, conversation and especially fancy dress.
Drinking
An ‘open bar’ is not a race against time, and by time we mean sobriety, because you will always lose. Know your limits, even if you know the company’s budget boundaries are about to cut spirits from the menu. If after two drinks you are confident, five drinks loose and loveable, and seven a wild card, set the bar for the three to six mark by telling the bartender when to cut you off… for health reasons — the health of your career, that is.
Eating
It’s easy to accidentally head straight to a party with nothing in your stomach if your usual routine is to eat dinner at home. But if you eat before your first sip, not only will you have a lower blood alcohol content and feel less drunk, but you’ll also sober up more quickly. Remember; carbs and dairy. Carbs to fill your stomach and dairy to line it, think French, or Italian.
Party Tricks
Again, apply the PR theory as to whether or not you should choose an all-office event to debut your party piece. While it is indeed possible you possess the dance moves of a young Michael Jackson, should you really do the splits, here, now, in that outfit?
Hold Your Tongue
Once yearly, the company heads descend from their ivory tower to walk amongst the people. The time and place for a frank discussion of your company’s failings is in a trite PowerPoint attached to a three-page email no one will ever read the entirety of. NOT as a hate-filled harangue in which you take your actual opinions to your actual employer at the actual office Christmas party.
Sins of the Flesh
Leave your sins at home. Becoming ‘involved’ with colleagues is sincerely frowned upon in a social setting. Sneaking back to the privacy of the office bay windows is even worse. The publicised rule goes that unless you have consciously (soberly) admired a co-worker from afar for a minimum of at least three months, then it is probably best not to engage with them at all. Ideally, you will also apply the PR filter of asking the advice of two sober friends beforehand.
Coming Clean
In some settings, the social lubricant of alcohol can suddenly turn on you and become a serum of truth. Your willingness to open up is venerable until you oust your uncouth shared-kitchen habits, the time you keyed the bitchy receptionist’s car, anything bathroom related, or worse still, that you plan your holidays around your ex-partner’s (to surreptitiously bump into them). Drive the conversation away from yourself at almost every opportunity or you may ‘total’ your career.
Keeping Evidence
Discreetly taking photos and recordings of your superiors in lewd and compromising situations is always a good idea for future lawsuits or pay negotiations. Alternatively, wear a GoPro on your head all night and be a party to everyone’s best manners around you for fear their wives, husbands, or shareholders might see the footage.
Latergram
Do not, under any circumstances, post anything on social media until at least the following day. Instagram stories, in particular, are to be avoided at all costs.
The Out
It’s not wise to leave the party without a concrete excuse or an imminent fake phone call emergency. Always have an out — arrange a tangible purpose for your departure at any time and a dummy evacuation contingency call. PRO TIP: your phone alarm can act as a phone call in lieu of reliable friends and family.
How to Apologise
Never apologise, unless politely gestured to by your manager. There is always a chance no one noticed, or everyone forgot. In the unlikely event your actions seriously disaffected others, the line goes ‘the alcohol had a bad reaction with medication you are taking for *insert terrible affliction’.
For more exclusive access to what the city has to offer, engaging content, excellent imagery and thought provoking commentary on the life that surrounds you, subscribe to Denizen magazine now.
