There are few modern-day predicaments as vexing as the question of how to sign off an email. An easy task if you want to come across as a passive-aggressive sociopath, but if your approach is to be a little less abrasive, you’ll most likely be subject to numerous moments throughout the day that are fraught with indecision. The following is a definitive guide to what your chosen sign-off really says, courtesy of Buzzfeed.
Well done on reading this whole email.
Genuinely amazed you made it all the way through this.
3. Many thanks
4. Thank you
I am furious with you.
I think Zayn is my favourite member of One Direction.
I really couldn’t care less.
7. Kind regards
I really couldn’t care less, but this is my way of appearing like I could.
8. Warm regards
If we ever meet I’ll probably try to smell your hair.
9. Warmest regards
…and I don’t mean the hair on your head.
The internet is a hub of pornography and violence and I think the world’s problems would be solved if everyone just wrote handwritten letters.
There’s a picture of you on my pillow.
Look how normal I am.
14. Cheers mate
Look how normal I am, now let’s get to the pub.
I am too busy to write whole words, so this noise shall suffice.
18. Best wishes
I have to write something here, and this will do.
I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for lunch.
20. Very best
I know what I’m going to have for lunch now and I’m super psyched.
21. All the best
BURRITO MINUS 30 MINUTES!
22. [Your name]
I can spell my own name!
23. [Your initial]
I can’t quite spell my own name.
I totally would.
I have so much disdain for you that I just made up a word.
26. Looking forward to hearing from you
I work in PR.
I’m currently under investigation for an HR violation.
I’m not allowed to use scissors.
31. Take it easy
You’ll never see me again.
32. See you soon
Oh god I hope not.
33. Talk soon
34. Sent from my iPhone
I HAVE AN iPHONE.
35. Sent from my iPhone so please excuse typos
I HAVE AN iPHONE and I’m zany.
37. Lots of love
So very, very lonely.
38. Write back
Write back, or the cat gets it.
YSPNTTMABIACAS (You Should Probably Never Talk To Me Again Because I Am Clearly A Sociopath)
40. Take care
Die in a fire.