Only two days ago, the world nigh on came to a standstill now referred to as “Notification-gate”, i.e. the revelation that you could ‘turn on notifications’ on Instagram spurring an onslaught of EXACTLY THE SAME POST that alluded to a function that has been available on the app for the best part of 12 months already. Once we recovered from the frenzy that was arguably the first thing to break the internet this year, we decided that this was a chance to sort the men from the boys so to speak. And given that 2016 is officially the year of showing no mercy when it comes to social media, we’re getting cut-throat on this thing. Behold the six Instagram personalities you ought to be culling:
1. The stock-photo only account
We all have our wanderlust favourites but there’s something lost in the concept when all that comprises an account is a collage of Getty Images. The same can be said for fashion accounts — it should be something greater than simply a series of shots pulled from the interweb.
2. Exes and past potential romances (PPRs)
New year, new romantic pursuits. It’s time to ditch the long-lost love interest for the sake of your emotional wellbeing amongst other things (i.e. your pride). If the romance hasn’t flourished by now, cut your losses and kick their proverbial account ‘ball’ into touch — no one needs to be constantly reminded of opportunities missed, or rather ones that went wrong.
3. Your least favourite meme account(s)
There are meme accounts, and then there are meme accounts. Nevertheless, complex algorithms have proven that they actually all post the same thing. Choose one or two that resonate with you on a deeply personal level and forget the rest.
4. The accounts of ephemeral interest
You know those 17 florists you started following when your best friend was getting married last year, or the company who supplied those Middle Eastern-inspired tents for your Arabian Nights party? Suffice to say you could live without their updates of these niche operators on a daily basis.
5. The compulsive selfie taker
We can all look great if we take 300 consecutive selfies and in doing so, find just the right angle, but enough is enough people! Take a stand (even if it is a better friend you have to cull — you gotta be cruel to be kind) and elect to unfollow, effective immediately. Unless of course they’re smokin’ hot and you totally dig their narcissism.
6. People who still use the collage function
What is this, 2014?