1 August 2011

how to: feed a supermodel

Our new contributor Tim Eriksen shares a few tips on how to have your meat and eat it too.



Have you ever woken up next to a supermodel and wondered what the hell to cook for her? Obviously, you think there may have been a mistake. Surely this true wonder of god’s creations should not be in your bed. Fret not my friend, and know that you only have one chance to impress her – don’t mess this up.

Step One: Get up and throw some cold water on your face, it’s essential you play things cool – don’t say anything stupid. And please, for the love of god, don’t walk around in the white dressing gown you stole from that one time you ever stayed in a decent hotel.

Step Two: Drawing inspiration from the immortal words of Jim Morrison ‘The time to hesitate is through, No time to wallow in the mire. Try now we you only lose, and your love become a funeral pyre’. In other words, immediately ditch the lettuce leaf, glass of water, line of nose candy and supplement pills. What you really need to do is to give this beautiful specimen the ‘fillet’ (Savannah Angus beef eye fillet)

Rich in iron, high in protein and containing one of the lowest fat levels of all steak cuts. Said supermodel can not only enjoy one of the tastiest meals known to mankind, she more importantly doesn’t have to worry about consuming a sparrow size portion as you can assure her, this meal is healthy.

Unfortunately (and unsurprisingly), I personally have never woken up next to a supermodel. But I know a man who has…and this was his secret:

2 x Savannah Angus beef eye fillet portions
1 x olive oil

And whatever else you can conjure up in the kitchen to accompany this fine piece of meat.

Optional extras:

1 x supermodel

1 x bottle of your finest Shiraz

1 x Barry Whites’ greatest hits – your taking this morning after romance seriously

Providing you have no major hiccups along the way, these tips are a sure-fire way to ensure you can have your meat (and eat it too.)

Be prepared – you never know when such a fine specimen might grace herself with your presence again. Savannah Angus beef eye fillet is available from Neat Meat (you can order online and have your meat delivered directly to the doorstep in time for dinner.)

This Month On Denizen | September 2014