How To: Get rid of a telemarketer

Sick of pesky cold callers ringing you at the most inopportune times? Well, it turns out that losing your temper won’t help, but these tips should.

Don’t just hang up
Anyone who picks up and hangs up will be recorded as a ‘did not reach’ and the tele-trolls will just keep on trying.

Do not engage
Even if all the tele-terribles ask is: “How’s your day been?” Don’t answer. It merely fuels their cold calling fire, making them believe they have a live one on the line. Or alternatively… 

Over-engage
Delight the tele-troublers with a seriously in-depth answer and refuse to stop.
You: “How am I? Really bad actually. Mum just told me Dad’s been messing about with the neighbour again, the cat vomited all over the rug, I’m pretty sure the postman is stealing my letters, my adult acne can no longer be controlled by modern medicines, the exorcism I paid for didn’t work…” etcetera, etcetera. See how they like being on the other end of a painfully unwelcome phone call for once.

Make it awkward
Cut the tele-taunters short with this little ditty: “Who are you looking for? Oh no sorry, they died.” End call.

Be creepy
Tele-tormenter: “Hi this is Alan from Generic Phone Company”
You (in your huskiest voice): “Oh hi Alan… What are you wearing?” A bit of heavy breathing won’t hurt either.

Get personal
Kindly let the tele-twit know that you’re busy but if they could give you their home number you will happily call them back at your earliest convenience.

If all else fails, there’s always the secret list
A little-known fact, most tele-tragics have a ‘do not call’ list that they have to add you to when asked. Though they may try to persuade you to keep talking, calmly assure them you want your name added to the list then bid them adieu — forever.

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